Lazarus is Dead

“Why do bad things happen to good people?” is a question that tends to pop up during the bad times. When there is a terrorist attack or a terrible car accident or someone develops a life-threatening illness. I guess it’s human nature for us to try to make sense of everything. We have an inherent need to make things fit with our thinking. Why does a woman who is so loved and so full of light and life develop cancer? I’ve been pondering this question throughout our ordeal and I came to a staggering conclusion. Lazarus is dead.

Elizabeth and I have been blown away by the support and prayers and love that we’ve been shown both online and in person. As I read through all the loving and supportive comments, I started to notice messages of hope and love left by widows, widowers, and people who were still struggling in the middle of a battle for their own lives or for the life of someone that they dearly love. It hit me. God doesn’t always miraculously heal people.  There are many friends of ours who have been down the road we are currently on and they didn’t receive healing. Why not? Doesn’t God love us enough to heal us? So, as I usually do when faced with a dilemma, I turned to scripture. I started looking back at the stories of Jesus miraculously healing people. Jesus healed people 31 times in his earthly ministry according to the gospels.  He also raised 3 people from the dead (Lazarus, the daughter of Jairus, and the son of the widow at Nain.) You know what all those people have in common? They are all physically dead now.  So are the disciples, Mary (though some of my Catholic brethren may disagree but either way you are getting the point,) Joseph, and all the people that Jesus loved on, taught, and cared for during his time here on earth. There aren’t any 2000-year-old people walking around. Which means, no matter how miraculously that they were healed, raised from the dead, or beloved by Jesus, they eventually died a physical death. Lazarus, who was loved by Jesus and whose death caused the Son of God to cry, is dead. He is physically dead.  Death (the bad thing) doesn’t just happen to some people, it eventually happens to all people.

God is good because that is His nature. His goodness isn’t derived from the fact that He heals us because the truth is, He doesn’t always physically heal us. His ways and plans are much bigger than that. God’s plan has always been not to merely save us from death but to defeat death once and for all. Paul puts it this way in 1 Corinthians 15:

Death has been swallowed up in victory.
⁵⁵ Death, where is your victory?
Death, where is your sting?
⁵⁶ Now the sting of death is sin,
and the power of sin is the law.
⁵⁷ But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory
through our Lord Jesus Christ!

The threat of death (which is a result of sin) has always been that it separates us. It separates us from our loved ones. It separates us from our God. It separates us from our purpose. It separates us from the reason that we were created. By defeating death, Jesus made a way for us to be reunited with God, to fulfill our purpose, and to be who we were created to be.

So as we pray for Elizabeth’s healing and expect God to heal her, we praise Him that we need not fear death. We praise Him that when our time comes, that we will experience the fullness of Jesus’ victory over death.  

The best part is, you can too!! If you don’t know what it means to have the peace of knowing that death is not the end, PLEASE let us share with you the Savior that has defeated death once and for all!

So How Does Chemo Work? (The non-scientific explanation)

Ever wonder how chemo works? How do the chemicals that they put into your body specifically target cancer cells? Here is the simplified version of what I’ve found…

Chemo specifically targets cells that rapidly reproduce. When cells are cancerous, they replicate at a rapid pace and therefore are targeted by the chemo. However, cancerous cells aren’t the only ones that are targeted. Any cell that reproduces quickly is also targeted. These cells include the ones that make blood, the ones that make the lining of the stomach and digestive system, and the ones that make hair. This is why hair loss often accompanies chemo.

Now if you know Elizabeth, she can rock any situation and any look. She is so energetic and has such a magnetic and positive attitude that losing her hair isn’t something that would normally bring her down. The main concern that she had about losing her hair was how it would affect others. She was concerned about our kids being constantly reminded about mom’s sickness. She was concerned about the way that people would look at her. Not for the reason you might think. She isn’t embarrassed by it. She wanted people to be able to forget about the battle she was fighting. She wanted things to be normal, if only for a moment. That wasn’t going to happen as easily if she lost her hair.

For all of these reasons, we were both excited about an option that her oncologist mentioned at her initial appointment. She told us about a product called cool caps (there are multiple brands with various names.) The idea is that if the patient wears a really really really cold cap during chemo that it will reduce circulation to the hair follicles and cause them not to receive the chemo as it passes throughout her body. Therefore, keeping them from being attacked and thereby avoiding hair loss.

I feel like I should stop here and give a disclaimer. Every person’s body reacts differently to chemo (not to mention the 100’s of different chemo drugs that are used for treatment of different cancer types.) Elizabeth’s experience may be completely different than other people undergoing chemo. With that being said…

After that initial appointment, we started researching these cool caps. We were very fortunate to have a connection to a very generous woman who had just gotten finished with chemo and passed her cool caps on to Elizabeth.  We decided to go for it! Here is how it works.

Step 1: Two days prior to chemo Charlie (Elizabeth’s dad) gets two coolers full (some 80 – 100 pounds) of dry ice.

Step 2: Charlie gets up at 5:00 AM the day of chemo to put the 6 chill caps in the dry ice to have them completely frozen by chemo time. (He then meets us at the doctor’s office to deliver the caps in their coolers.)

Turban, Shower Cap, Cool Cap, COLD!

Step 3: Elizabeth wets her hair and scalp to keep her hair from insulating her scalp and keeping the cold away.

Step 4: She then puts on a turban and a shower cap to keep her hair from freezing to the chill cap (the caps get down to -20⁰ F.)

All Bundled Up

Step 5: 30 minutes before chemo begins, Elizabeth puts on the first cool cap. (This is by far the worst part of the process. Elizabeth says it’s like having a brain freeze for the first 5 minutes that she has it on.) And we set the timer for 30 minutes.

Step 6: After 30 minutes, we take the old cap off, put it back in the dry ice to refreeze, and put on the next cap.

This process repeats every 30 minutes for the 5ish hours of treatment and for an hour after. 

Cold... but still Elizabeth

In between treatments, Elizabeth can only wash her hair in cold water, can’t blow dry her hair, can’t straighten her hair, and can’t have any heat on her hair in any way.

So how is it working? So far, so good. Her hair has stayed intact for the most part.  She has been really pleased with the outcome!

Here is why we wanted to share this with you. First of all, we wanted to send a big thank you to Charlie for all of the hard work that he puts in so that using these cold caps are even possible. We also wanted to thank the family member (you know who you are) that has generously paid for the dry ice for each treatment (80-100 pounds of dry ice every other week is not cheap!) Thank you both so much!!! (Really these two are representative of all the support we've received from all of our friends and family. You love us so well. We can only pray that our actions show how much we love you all!!)

Secondly, we wanted you to know about the process so that as people you know are diagnosed with cancer, you can share Elizabeth's story and give them hope about keeping their hair. Amazingly, this has already happened. One of Elizabeth’s high school classmates put her in contact with a friend of hers that we’ll call Kayla (I don’t want to share her identity because each person’s story is theirs to tell and they deserve to be able to tell it whenever and to whomever they choose.) Kayla got diagnosed with Hodgkin’s a month or so after Elizabeth. Elizabeth has been able to help her understand the process and what is coming next. After Elizabeth’s chemo yesterday, we dropped off the cool caps and the dry ice for Kayla to use for her first chemo treatment today!  So for the next few months (assuming that they continue to work), we will use the cool caps on Thursday and pass them on to Kayla to use on Friday!

So in the end, if you know of someone going through chemo and they want to know about cool caps, direct them to us!

It's been a long, crazy week.

It's hard to believe that it has been a week since E’s counts were too low for chemo. So much has happened between then and now. I thought I would write an update because with all the craziness, we haven’t had to time to update everyone.

Tuesday 11/22 – Elizabeth went in for chemo. Unfortunately, her white blood cell count was too low (specifically her neutrophil count was extremely low.) This caused the doctor to postpone chemo and to put Elizabeth on an antibiotic with hopes of upping her neutrophil count.

Thursday 11/24 – Brother’s family came up for Thanksgiving dinner. The food was so good and we were so thankful to be surrounded by family. Later in the evening, Elizabeth’s tooth/ gum started hurting. (uh oh)

Fun in the ER

Friday 11/25 – This is where the story gets interesting. It turns out that neutrophils are crucial to fighting off infection. Elizabeth’s tooth/ gum became so painful that we called her doctor to get advice. They sent us to the ER with, what turned out to be, an infection. We arrived at the hospital around 8:30 pm expecting to be there for a few hours. She was admitted to the hospital at 1:30ish. The doctors thought there was too much risk with her body not being to fight off the infection. They needed her to stay to get IV antibiotics and to be there until her neutrophil count increased to a level where her immune system could be effective.

At least the kids had fun this weekend!

Saturday 11/26 – We thought we would get to go home. Her counts weren't good enough and her tooth still hurt. Elizabeth stayed in the hospital.

Thankful we get to watch church together!

Sunday 11/27 –  We’re never going to get to go home… at least that’s the way that it felt! Counts weren't increasing. Tooth felt better but still hurt. Brother had to leave her at the hospital and take the kids home. Hardest night ever.

Monday 11/28 – With Brother at work, Elizabeth’s counts were good enough to head home. Woo hoo!!!  

Counts are Up!!! Teeth are Great!

Tuesday 11/29 – Elizabeth’s counts were back to normal! Not even low! She also went to the dentist to get her tooth checked out and the dentist said she is good to go for chemo #2.

Thanks to everyone that has loved on us, prayed for us, and loved on our children! We love you! Keep praying! Chemo Round #2 is scheduled for Thursday. FINALLY!

It’s been a long, crazy week.

The Postponement (Psalm 100)

Update: Not the news that we were wanting to hear today. E's white blood cell count was too low so no chemo today. If you know my wife, you probably know that she is a planner and a check list kind of person. This is a really tough setback for us. We have been rescheduled for next Tuesday. Keep praying for..

1. Health for the rest of this week. Her white blood cell count was extremely low which makes her very susceptible to sickness. Pray that her white blood cells rebound and that she doesn't get sick.

2. Peace of mind. A lot of this journey has been hurry up and wait. Pray that God will help us remember that while we are surprised and disappointed, that He is neither of those things. He has a plan. All glory to Him!

3. Pray for the rest of her treatments. This setback changes her every-other-week schedule. So all of the weeks we thought would be chemo weeks and all the weeks we though would be recovery weeks will flip flop. Pray that all further treatments will go off without a hitch.

4. She will now have to have shots to stimulate her bone marrow to produce more white blood cells. This can be very painful. With new methods of injection, some of the side effects have been decreased. Pray that when she does have the shots (she will have one the day after every chemo session,) that the side effects are minimal.

We love you.

Psalm 100

1 Shout triumphantly to the Lord, all the earth. 2 Serve the Lord with gladness; come before Him with joyful songs. 3 Acknowledge that Yahweh is God. He made us, and we are His — His people, the sheep of His pasture. 4 Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him and praise His name. 5 For Yahweh is good, and His love is eternal; His faithfulness endures through all generations.

Every Praise is to our God

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

My next chemo treatment is tomorrow.  Therefore, chances are good Thanksgiving will be a day in bed for me. So from our family to yours Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Thanksgiving can be every day and I am just so thankful. Yes, I am thankful for Lymphoma. Now that does not mean it has been easy or enjoyable or comfortable. This time last week I'm not sure I could have said I was thankful for this journey. I will not lie to you. I was in pain and I did not handle it perfect. I was scared, frustrated, so sad, lonely, and very discouraged. But it is not last week and in a few days I may need to read this to myself as a reminder!

I have been loved on unlike any other time in my life. I have been shown such grace and care by my sweet husband. My children have been cared for and loved by so many. They have gotten extra time with their grandparents! My parents have supported me in countless ways and have loved me courageously through this. My sweet mother in law not only did my morning routine with our crew but cared for me as well. I have had friends help me coordinate meals, sell tshirts, chart side effects in preparation for next time, walk kids to school, check on them when I wasn't there and show up to give my family an evening of normal. Needs were met before I even knew I had them. We have received kindness from people we didn't even know. Prayers have been prayed by so many and continually and they have so been needed and felt. Flowers and cards and food and texts and hugs and happys have appeared just when my heart needed them. 

I have felt so close to my Heavenly Father. He has been so faithful. His goodness has been all over this journey and I know He will not leave me. I am learning quickly that this journey is going to be a roller coaster ride and if you know me, you know I sob like a baby if forced to ride one! I have had those moments but I have also had tears of joy and overwhelming gratefulness. 






Thank you so much for caring, praying, loving, supporting, and praying some more. We thank God daily for you. Tomorrow if you think about it, will you please play specifically:

• My white blood cell count would be up and I would not have to get the shot to increase them.
• My liver levels would be normal so I can take typical pain pills from here on out.
• The appointment would go quicker than last time!
• Side effects wouldn't be as severe as last time.
• Gran Gran and Pop would arrive safely.

This was the first song yesterday at church and couldn't have been more perfect for how my heart was feeling and needing to express!

Every Praise

Every praise is to our God.

Every word of worship with one accord

Every praise every praise is to our God.

Sing hallelujah to our God

Glory hallelujah is due our God

Every praise every praise is to our God.

God my Savior

God my Healer

God my Deliverer

Yes He is, yes He is

God is in the details.

There are things that happen in life that are too perfect to be coincidence. As if there is a great design at work and there is someone working all of this together for good. Those moments are what constantly remind me that God is real and that He loves me immensely. Here is one of those moments.

In the middle of July of this year I started a journey. I had been convicted for a while that I was too big. I had struggled with weight loss and weight gain on and off for years. July was different. For some reason by that point, something had changed. I had gone from the attitude of “I really should lose weight” to “I HAVE to lose weight.” This was my Facebook post from July 27.

I want to be there. I want to be there to see my kids' graduate. I want to be there to walk my daughters down the aisle and stand next to my son as he gets married. I want to hold my wife's hand as we get old and gray together. I want to meet my grandchildren and my great-grandchildren. I want to be there. So today, I am trying something new. I am starting a new nutritional program to try to lose the weight that has been holding me down. At some point if you want change to happen you have make it happen. And so today, it begins. I will keep you all updated along the way.

And so my journey began. With the help of a great nutritional system, I jumped in with both feet. Over the last 3 + months, I’ve lost 100 pounds and really feel great.

One of the lessons that I have learned along the way is to cherish the journey. When I first decided to lose weight I was only focused on the finish line. If I could have skipped past all the struggles along the way, I would have. I was focused on making it to my kids’ weddings and growing old and gray with my wife. I wanted to be there. God has helped me to realize that life isn’t about the destination, it’s about the journey. Happiness isn’t something you achieve at the end of the road, it’s the joy of traveling the road together. So while I still hope to be there when my kids get married and to be there to grow old and gray with my wife, I will no longer take for granted the gift of today. It’s not about being there then, it’s about the fact that I AM here now.

What does this have to do with God being in the details you might ask? You see, had I never felt that conviction and had I never started this journey 3+ months ago, I wouldn’t be nearly as equipped to handle the demands that life is currently putting on me. 100 pounds ago, I wouldn’t have had the stamina and endurance to be there for my wife and to take care of my kids. God was preparing me for this for months before that knot appeared on Elizabeth’s collar bone.  Although I was focused on the end of the journey and getting there, God was focused on preparing me for the next step in the journey.

So why post this? Do I want a pat on the back? No way. I am posting this for a few reasons. The first and most important is to give praise to God who was preparing our family for this battle long before we even knew we were going to fight it and to encourage you with the fact that you may not know what the future holds, but God does and He is preparing you for it. 

Cancer Doesn't Stand a Chance!

It’s been a tough few weeks. It all started about a month ago when Elizabeth noticed a knot on her collar bone. After consulting her doctor and then an ENT, she was sent for a CT scan and a biopsy. The results came back as stage 3 Hodgekin’s Lymphoma. She met with an oncologist last Friday where the diagnosis was confirmed and the plan for treatment was formulated. We were floored. I’m not sure that there can be another reaction to hearing that your young, healthy wife has cancer. The last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. There have been a lot of tears shed and a lot of restless nights.  Yesterday, as I was sitting in a waiting room (one of my new hobbies by the way,) I picked up a word search book and found this message on the front page. It reads:








“Watching someone you love waste away is like riding a roller coaster. Sometimes you are on top, but most coasters have more valleys than hills, mine sure do.
What will I be without her??”










Such sorrow. Such sadness. My heart breaks for this person whoever and wherever they may be.  This note made me realize something. This is exactly where I could be. I could find every reason to be angry, depressed, upset, and fearful. and yet…. I have hope. Hope in a Savior who has already conquered death; hope in a God who is not the least bit surprised by this crisis and yet is unchanging both now and forever; hope in a Creator that knows and loves us as only our creator can; and hope in a plan that He has for our lives.  A plan that brings glory and honor and praise to Him.  My prayer is that we will be a shining light through which everyone around us will see Him!
So what’s next? This morning, Elizabeth started down a long road to recovery. She had a port put in and chemo will start on Friday. She will have treatments every other Friday for the next 4-6 months. The good news from her oncologist is that 80% of all people with the same diagnosis are totally cured after 4-6 months of chemo. We are hoping, praying, and expecting for that to happen with Elizabeth.

While we told the kids that mom is sick, we didn’t use the word cancer because we feel like they are too young to understand all the different types and severities of cancer. (We didn’t want them to get scared because of their peers’ previous knowledge of cancer.) We told them that she has Lymphoma and that she was going to be getting medicine over the next few months that will make her pretty tired. If you have contact with them, love on them and feel free to let them talk about it if they need to.

Please join us in praying that:
• the chemo is effective and she is completely healed after 4 rounds/ months
• our children’s lives aren’t totally turned upside down and they are not overly stressed and fearful from the situation
• everyone will see God’s goodness and faithfulness through this journey.


We understand that this is a lot to digest. There just isn’t an easy way to say it. Please forgive us if we didn’t have a chance to tell you personally. We love you all and know the battle has already been won!!

"That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Cor. 12:10